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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25116355">living with the unimaginable</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/patientalien/pseuds/patientalien'>patientalien</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Depression, Gen, Hulk Hugs (Marvel), Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Suicidal Thoughts, Thor (Marvel) Needs a Hug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:40:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>953</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25116355</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/patientalien/pseuds/patientalien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of Infinity War, Bruce lends an ear to the grieving God of Thunder.</p><p>After the Garden, Hulk helps Thor in his own way.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bruce Banner &amp; Thor, Hulk &amp; Thor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>living with the unimaginable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Wrote most of this in one sitting as a palate cleanser before delving into the big plot of the multi-chapter. Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Bruce finds him in the courtyard, a beer in his hand and a case-worth of empties at his feet. Stormbreaker leans against the wall, stained with the blood of an escaped Titan, forgotten. "Just wanted to see how you were holding up." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thor looks up, his mismatched eyes blank. "Have you ever made a mistake so… terrible, that you think you might rather be dead than have to… to live with it?" the god asks softly, clasping both hands around his drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bruce sits down beside him. "You know I have," he replies. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah," Thor says. "I know." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sit in silence for a long while, Thor finishing his beer and fishing into the cooler at his side for another. Bruce stares at his hands, unsure what to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I could have stopped this, you know," Thor says suddenly. "Two years ago. I could have stopped this." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bruce starts to reassure him, but Thor simply keeps talking like a faucet left open. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I had a vision. The Maximoff girl, then in the Norn cave. I knew what was coming. I may not have known what form it would take, but I knew something was coming. And what did I do? Instead of going to the place I knew housed at least two stones at one point, a place I knew a stone still to be… I was as far away from Asgard as I could get. I could have gone straight home, I would have found out Loki's scheme sooner, I would have found Odin sooner, we might have had time to prepare for Hela, for- for-" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He bows his head as his voice chokes off, the beer bottle exploding in his fist in a spray of broken glass and blood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jesus Christ, Thor!" Bruce leaps from the bench, grabbing Thor's hand in both of his, easing the fingers open, letting the blood flow like the tears down Thor's cheeks. Bruce understands. Sometimes the only way to process pain is through other, different, pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It doesn't make it easier to see. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I was so… </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span>," Thor manages to push out, sounding like he's strangling. "On the ship. I thought I could </span>
  <em>
    <span>take</span>
  </em>
  <span> him. I thought I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>strong </span>
  </em>
  <span>enough. I was a damned fool." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I thought Hulk was too," Bruce admits. "And he wasn't." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I thought Loki had a plan." Thor flexes his hand, watching the blood drip onto the flagstones beneath his feet. Bruce kneels in front of him, a handkerchief in his hand, dabbing at Thor's cuts as the god collapses in on himself. "But maybe his plan was to die. I never understood him. I wish I had." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't even know if anyone else is still alive." Thor sniffles, wipes his hand across his face, smearing it with red. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> "We're working on finding them, and the others." Tony, the wizard, the kid. Rocket's friends. The missing Asgardians. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"They're probably gone," Thor says. "Because of me." His hands clench again and this time blue sparks dance over his knuckles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You can't blame yourself," Bruce tries, but he knows it's impossible. Thor's hurt runs too deep, his grief too fresh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, well," Thor says, pushing himself to his feet, "let me know when you figure out who else could have possibly fucked up worse than I did." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The automated door to the courtyard doesn't open fast enough, so Thor pushes it the rest of the way and disappears into the compound. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>------- 21 Days Later --------</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hulk finds him in the training room, a bottle of whiskey in his hand and two empties at his feet as he sits on the weight bench, looking at nothing. Stormbreaker is nowhere to be seen, likely still stained with the blood of a dead Titan. "Thor sad."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thor looks up and swipes at his bloodshot eyes. "I'm not," he protests. "What are you even doing here?" His words are slow and slurred and Hulk plants himself cross-legged on the floor in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Banner need rest. Hulk help." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thor nods, hands clasped around his bottle, leaning over his knees. "How did the others take that?" The last time any of the rest of the team had seen Hulk, he surely hadn't been capable of this level of thoughtful consideration or conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hulk just shrugs. "Hulk help Thor," he explains. "Friends understand. Banner explain first." He and Banner have been… talking, and Hulk hasn't been as scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, I don't need your help, so you can, I don't know, go hang out with </span>
  <em>
    <span>Natasha</span>
  </em>
  <span>." Thor pushes himself to standing and moves towards the door but Hulk stands as well and plants himself between the door and the god.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thor stay," he insists. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thor lets out a long sigh and presses his thumb and forefinger into his eye sockets. "Get out of my way." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thor need Hulk."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thor doesn't need anything, get out of my way." He shoves at Hulk, not using full strength, but hard enough to get his point across. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hulk shoves back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thor goes flying into the far wall, leaving a Thor-shaped dent when he manages to get back to his feet. The god bellows out his pain and grief and runs towards Hulk, electricity licking up his body like untended flame. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hulk picks him up, grabbing and holding him tight in his huge green arms. Thor hits and kicks, but Hulk keeps holding him, thunking down onto the floor and bringing Thor with him. He pets the god's hair with one hand, holding him tight to his chest with the other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, Thor stops fighting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, he starts to cry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, Bruce returns to himself with Thor's head pillowed on his lap, breathing deeply in sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He remains there until morning,</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
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